I try to stay optimistic about things, but I’m spent.
I miss my family on the East Coast.
I hate living in fucking CA.
I want to drop everything, buy a plane ticket, and move back to the East Coast.
I feel miserable right now.
This is just not about the Quiet Physicist, there are just a lot of things that I am unhappy about in my life right now.
It seems like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, things never change.
Well, I was left hanging by the Quiet Physicist.
Today, I found out that one of my cousins got married.
The universe hates me.
Well, a lot has happened in a relatively short time. I’ll start with the good and end with the crappy.
*Exercise*
I’ve started working out (again). I know that exercise and I do not get along, but I made a commitment this time. I even wrote up a contract with expectations, dates, and reminders to myself about why I am doing this. So far, it has been working out well. I’m heading into Week 3 of my contract and work out 6 days a week doing at least 60 min of cardio, weights, and ab exercises (on an alternating basis of course). I’ve started losing some weight and think I look a little bit better already.
I decided to put on some shorts today, a chic top, let my hair down, added a little mascara, eyeshadow and as soon as I stepped outside I got hit on by 4 guys in a span of 5 minutes. I was shocked by the attention since that is something that has never happened to me in my life before.
*Social Skills*
Last night, I went to a friends get-together for her brother-in-law’s birthday. He turned 23 and I am 23. You might think, “That’s perfect Bremoni! Go and talk to this guy, he might be the one!” The reality is that I am ridiculously shy with guys who I think are attractive. He was attractive, therefore I acted like a mute idiot. I was pretty nervous throughout the entire party, but I tried to talk to some people, if only for a little bit.
While conversing with my friend’s father-in-law, the subject of his missionary work came up. It caught my attention and I simply thought they were religious. Later on, the subject of Temple came up. At first, I thought they were Jewish (Now that I think about it, the correct word is synagogue right?), but then I remembered that they did missionary work. I then came to the realization that my friend and her family are Mormons. Yeah, Mormons!
The subject of my singledom came up as a topic of discussion with my friend and her husband. They suggested I might try going to some church dances to find a guy. Bless my friend’s heart, but I haven’t been to church in almost a decade. I have never been baptized, in fact, as a child I made it my mission to try to weasel my way out of going to church.
The family is very nice, but way too wholesome for me and my heathen ways.
*Romance*
Concerning The Quiet Physicist…well, I thought things were going well.
We had been texting for a little bit, but eventually made it to the talking on the phone phase. We talked to each other on Friday night for about 30-40 minutes. We seemed to get along fine, there was chemistry. Near the end of the call, he asked me if I wanted to meet up for drinks that night. I was actually on my way to the gym when he called (that and I had been up for 12 hours and was way too tired to try to get ready for a date on such short notice), so I declined meeting up that night, but told him I’d be interested in meeting up later this weekend or on some other date. He asked me if Sunday would be good. I said sure. We both said we would look forward to meeting each other Sunday. We hadn’t set a time yet, but I assumed we would talk either Saturday or early Sunday to confirm time and place.
On Saturday, I heard nothing from him and to be fair, I was busy getting ready for my friend’s get together.
Well, today is Sunday and as I type it is 6:49 pm Pacific Standard time and I haven’t heard a word from him. I called him twice early Sunday afternoon, but the phone didn’t even ring. It didn’t go to his voicemail either since he hadn’t set one up. I later sent a text asking him if he was still free to meet up today. I’ve been checking my gmail to see if I received any messages from him.
Nothing.
I am bummed and pissed.
Even if he called me now, I wouldn’t go out tonight. I have to get up at 5 am for work. I need my 8 hours of sleep. I need advance notice for this reason (usually 24 hours min., but since we had already agreed on a day, 4-5 hours notice before meeting up would have been fine with me).
What bothers me more is that we have been communicating for about 3 or 4 weeks now. I know that I have talked about guys just disappearing and how that sucks. Still, pulling the disappearing act during initial contact is not as bad as compared with someone who you’ve invested some feelings and time with though. It just feels like I have been wasting my time with this guy who I thought was interested in me, but now it seems he really wasn’t all that interested in me.
The day started off great, but now…
*Sigh* Time to pull out Bridget Jones’ Diary and give myself hope that there is a guy somewhere out there for me. I need to get away from my computer for a while.
So, I finally made it back to my apartment after an extended 4th of July weekend.
I haven’t done much today, other than wash my hair.
I’ve been texting The Quiet Physicist for a little while now, about 2 weeks. The texts have mostly covered everyday stuff, some random stuff. I have noticed that I have been the person to initiate every texting session between us. I don’t mind sending a text or two sometimes, but since I’ve been the initiator every time, I’m starting to feel iffy about it. I also ask the majority of the questions. I wonder if I’m texting him too much. I realize there must be some interest since he is responding to the texts I do send. Should I be worried that he has never texted me first though? I’d like to talk to him at some point, but seeing as he has never texted me first, I’d find it unlikely he’d call me first.
I could take it into my own hands and call, but every time I initiate something with a guy, it blows up in my face. I’ll admit, there is definitely some worry about rejection on my part.
I was reading another blog and one of the commentators stated that one of the best ways to gauge a man’s real interest in you is to simply do nothing. The author didn’t mean sit there twiddling your thumbs and let the guy do everything. What she meant was that if you were doing your end in getting to know someone and decided to simply do nothing and the guy never bothers to contact you, never asks to see how you’ve been doing, etc- then real interest in you is likely not reciprocal.
I’m tempted to do this.
So, last night I logged into OKC just to bum around. After logging on, I received a message from The Quiet Physicist. He said that he really enjoyed talking to me ( through IM) the other night and that if I were up to it, I could send him a text or give him a call sometime (Yep, he included his phone number). I’m kind of excited, because, it’s been a while since I have actually had some ongoing communication between a guy that I am actually attracted to and vice-versa.
I haven’t sent him anything yet, since I’m not sure what to do next. Do I call him or do I send a text? I’m still holding back on expecting anything serious to happen, since well, it’s online dating. It’s a crapshoot.
I also talked to another guy last night, the Socially Conscious Dude. I started talking to him last week. He’s a little older than me, about the same height as me according to his profile, is Middle Eastern, Muslim, and cusses a bit. I like his personality thus far, and it is pretty easy to chat with him.
Other than that, not much has been happening on the dating front.
Tomorrow, I am going to be traveling out-of-town, back to the East Coast to visit my family (especially my grandmother who is battling cancer) for the 4th of July weekend. It is a welcome change for me in that I not only get to see my family, but I get away from work, if only for a few days.
Speaking of work, there is so much drama. The drama has nothing to do with my co-workers (who are all pretty awesome women to work with), but rather has to do with the students and their parents. The students, especially the girls, keep getting into arguments amongst themselves about petty things. It’s not that the arguments themselves are significant, it’s simply that they have so many fights throughout the day. One minute they are friends, the next minute one girl is crying because the other girl doesn’t want to be her friend. Then the process repeats itself throughout the day, fifteen times over with the roles switching throughout. Who knew preschoolers could be so petty?
There was also some drama with some of the parents concerning unpaid bills and their children being barred from the classroom as a result of these bills. Let’s just say that even though the parents are entirely at fault for not paying their bills, some parents decided to take it out on the teachers anyway. I’ll leave it at that.
Completely random, but absolutely hilarious! LOLZ.
An Ohio woman attempted to fight off police trying to remove her from her car by spraying them with her breast milk, authorities said.
Stephanie Robinette got into a fight with her husband while attending a wedding at the Bridgewater Banquet & Conference Center in the city of Delaware on Saturday, WBNS 10 News reported.
Her husband told police his 30-year-old wife struck him several times, then locked herself in their vehicle.
“When deputies attempted to remove Robinette from the vehicle, she advised the deputies that she was a breast-feeding mother,” said Sheriff Walter L. Davis III.
As deputies went to restrain her, he said, Robinette “proceeded to remove her right breast from her dress and began spraying deputies and the vehicle with her breast milk.”
Additional deputies arrived and eventually pried her from the car before placing her under arrest.
Robinette was charged with domestic violence, assault, obstructing official business, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct.
“This is a prime example of how alcohol can make individuals do things they would not normally do,” Davis said.
So far, I have taken two 8 week classes for guitar. While I have been excited to learn guitar, I haven’t felt that energy that made me eat, breathe, and sleep guitar. I didn’t have that energy until I saw this:
This girl is my muse. I love her hair, I love her look, and the lovely sounds that come from her mouth. I am smitten! After watching her play, I went to the music store to pick up a capo for my guitar so that I could learn a new song. The awesomeness of this musician has really motivated me to continue practicing the guitar.
I decided to learn Say by John Mayer. I don’t really care for the man, but I must admit that I love that song.
I am kind of getting the hang of the song, but my voice is pretty bad. To think that I actually was apart of my school district’s chorus, oh how my voice has fallen.
I have been talking to a guy on OKC. He, like 80% of the men I have talked to on the site, attends Cal. He seems nice, but a little reserved and quiet. The only moniker that I can think of is The Quiet Physicist, since he is a grad student. He is a little older than me, not much taller than me, a native to CA, and white. His field is hard science and well, what I studied in college simply isn’t hard science. I always figured people would go for others similar to themselves. We’ll see what happens with this guy, though at this point I hold no expectations since I have had so many men vanish on me, it is not even funny.
I wouldn’t mind meeting up with this guy, since I am pretty curious. I wonder how he acts in person, what his mannerisms are like, how his voice sounds, etc.
Hopefully, my weirdness didn’t scare him off.
Last night, I was about to write a post that was absolutely full of misery. I’m glad I didn’t seeing as I feel a lot better. The only unfortunate casualty of my brief episode of depression and self-loathing was my bank account.
The prior evening, I went to Safeway with the original intention of buying some cookie dough ice cream and cookies, the universal diet of most single women on a lonely Friday night. By the time I went through check out, I ended up spending a lot more money than anticipated. I have to admit that the reason my bill ended up being so high was due to purchasing some alcohol.
I’m really not a big drinker and only have drinks probably around 5 times a year. I have an extremely low tolerance and get tipsy after drinking a fruit cooler. I only had half a glass of Moscato before getting dizzy and going to bed in a stupor. Now on this sunny and sober Saturday morning, I have a mostly full bottle of cheap Moscato and an unopened bottle of Midori sitting in my kitchen. It’s going to take around 2 years for me to actually finish off the bottles on my own.
Note to self: Never go to the store on a depression-driven ice cream binge.
In other news, things have been pretty weird on OKCupid.
Did I mention that Hat Guy contacted me…several months after we went out. I logged onto OKCupid to see this:
I just figured out how to take screen shots (with all identifying info removed of course) and thought I might try it out in the post! Anyway, this message has rebound girl written all over it.
I talked to two other guys, who will be called Middle Eastern Hottie (MEH) and Sexually Confused Guy (SCG).
The Middle Eastern Hottie contacted me first, but promptly stopped contact after I messaged him back. He later deleted his profile.
Sexually Confused Guy also contacted me first. I responded back to his original message, but he never messaged me back. When I visited his profile some time later, his profile stated that he was gay and looking to meet other men? When he initially messaged me, his profile listed him as straight, so I wasn’t sure if this was a change of heart or a joke. His profile later listed him as straight.
Moving on, I hate to say it, but I broke my self-imposed rule again by sending a guy a message. I guess I can’t learn my lesson. I’m not afraid to contact a guy first because I think it is better to have tried than to be left wondering what if. Well, he actually messaged me back, but as soon as I read the message, I thought the tone of the message pretty much said, “I’d rather not talk to you, but I’m being polite by messaging you back.”
There’s the tone, no questions from him about myself, and the fact that I explicitly stated that I am from the East Coast in my profile…meaning he never bothered looking at my profile. Oh well.
As the title stated, my fingers are pretty damn sore. I just returned from my guitar class. The class is pretty good and I am getting exposed to a lot of techniques and new information, but I wish that learning to play guitar wasn’t so painful at times. Today we focused on bar chords and stretching our fingers into unnatural positions in order to create some cool strumming.
Taking the guitar class made me realize that I need to carry my camera with me a lot more. I mean I am in the Bay Area and surrounded by some great scenery….plus I have a nice camera. Maybe I might be motivated to document some portions of my life and upload it to this blog. Well, this isn’t a promise because I can be pretty lazy when I want to be.
So, the world is still here. Even though many Americans have hang-ups with marijuana, America is such a half-baked country at times.
So, I just wanted to update the blog, though there isn’t much to talk about.
Concerning dating….
I have promised myself that I will not message a guy first. Even though it wasn’t a practice I engaged in a lot (only 3 times total), if a guy is interested, he will somehow muster the balls to message me first.
Since reactivating my profile on OKC, I have received a few messages. Two guys seemed promising at first. One guy seemed to try really hard to let me know that he was interested in me. He gave me a high rating on the Quickmatch feature and added me to his favorites. After a little confusion, we started messaging, but he has since stopped messaging me :/
The second guy also messaged me first and seemed really interesting. I responded, but he hasn’t responded back. I messaged him over a week ago. Normally, I’d assume he’s not interested, but he keeps on visiting my profile, which is confusing me. :/
Concerning Life…
I am actually putting forth more of an effort to make myself more presentable. I have started wearing makeup. I am not going crazy here, just a little foundation, eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow, concealer, and lip gloss. Actually, now that I am writing this out, it does seem like a hell of a lot.
I also bought a pair of uncomfortable, but cute pumps, some new jeans, a new top, and a pair of shorts that I now dub the booty shorts. I’m not really sure if the booty shorts will actually ever see the light of day, because I’m not super sure if I’m ready to wear them outside. You might be wondering, why buy them? Well, maybe I might change my mind someday and they were only $10.
I am continuing with my guitar class, which I enjoy, but I have a ways to go.
Rock on.
bremoni