The Odd One Out-My Friends Are Moving On Without Me…?

Today is my roommate’s birthday. Nothing special was planned for her birthday since she decided to go bar-hopping the weekend following her birthday.

Even though nothing special was happening I ended up taking her out to eat at a nearby sandwich shop. The food was delicious and she seemed to enjoy it.

Some former roommates of ours also decided to tag along on the birthday lunch. So yeah, it was a fairly large group heading out to eat.

After grabbing our lunch and sitting down we talked about what had been going on in our lives. I was the only person in the group to have secured a job at this point in the year. With graduation on the horizon, we talked a bit about what everyone was planning on doing and where they were planning on living.  Eventually the conversation turned to boyfriends and relationships.

Everyone at the table either had been in a relationship or currently was in one for the long haul. I didn’t fall into either group. Seeing as I had never been in a relationship, I couldn’t add anything to the conversation. I had absolutely nothing of value to add.

All I could do was munch on my reuben while listening to how everyone else goaded their boyfriends into taking them to expensive restaurants or how they celebrated their anniversaries.

As a I sat there finishing my sandwich I felt an epiphany.

Well, it wasn’t quite as epic as I’m writing it to be, but I did feel like a realization was dawning on me.  My female friends were entering a new chapter in their lives, one where they wouldn’t just do things so spur of the moment without any responsibility to anyone.

I wasn’t linked to anyone and that’s why my job is taking me to the other side of the country while my friends plan their post-college lives around their proximity to their boyfriends.

They were committed to their significant others. Whereas in the past I think they were more committed to their friends, they are now more committed to their boyfriends.

I guess these things happen. Among young women, things are centered around you and your friends. You go out together, eat together, watch movies together, and experience life together.  As you get older and become involved in a relationship, the space that you had for your friends begins to be filled by the significant other. You go out, eat, watch movies and do all those other things with him.

I’m not saying friends are completely out of the picture, but it looks and feels like things are different from this point forward. I think that you don’t have the same access to a friend once she or he begins a relationship. Sure you may call the friend up occasionally, but then it turns into:

“Well, Joey and I are doing something that day…” or

“Sure we can eat, but you don’t mind if Jason came along?…” or

“I’m sorry I have to leave early, I have to meet Eric at this acapella concert…”

So is the life of singledom.

In Memory of Shaniya Davis

I don’t know if you all have been watching the news, but if you have, you have probably heard about the tragic case of 5-year old Shaniya Davis from North Carolina. She was reported missing by her mother but was recently found dead. In addition to two men being arrested for involvement in her disappearance, her mother has been arrested in conjunction with the case on suspicion of human trafficking.

I guess I wanted to take the time to remember this little girl. I am sickened hearing about what happened to her. I grieve for her and her family. Hopefully, they can find some peace after this unimaginable event taking place.

2012: Pure Disaster Porn

This past weekend I was out and about for the first showings of the latest end-of-the-world flick 2012. I will say that the acting was so-so and there were definite moments that were just so utterly unrealistic, moments where the main character should have died ending the movie prematurely.

Of course, I was expecting all of that going into the movie. I was in attendance purely for the destructive nookie. I must say that Roland Emmerich certainly delivers in that department. The movie was pure destructive gold.

The cast featured a range of actors and actresses, some of whom I am surprised were even involved in this film. The person who stood out the most to me had to be John Cusack. I am a fan of his, but I have to say I was shocked that he was in this film. To my knowledge, I don’t think he’s ever been in a big budget action flick of this magnitude before.

Another person who caught my attention was Chiwetel Ejiofor, who I last saw in Children of Men and American Gangster. I am not really as familiar with his work, but going from Children of Men to 2012 was certainly a jump in my opinion.

My favorite character from the film was Charlie who was portrayed by Woody Harrelson. His character was an awesome creation of both paranoid freak/youtube conspiracist/creepy radio dude.

The movie seemed a little slow to start, but once the world started to crumble, the movie was well on its way with spectacular scenes of destruction. Unlike many other end-of-the-world films, the world does come pretty close to ending in this flick since most of humanity does get wiped out.

The movie even has some sad scenes…I was actually touched by the scene with the Indian scientist and his family. That was really sad!

Anyway if you are looking for something a bit more intellectually stimulating, stay away! Go watch Men With Goats, Precious, or wait for The Lovely Bones. If you want to kick back for a few hours and have your senses titillated, this is the movie for you. It is what it is.

By the way, I don’t believe in that crazy theory that the world will end in 2012. I think its complete bunk.

Another Great Surprise: Final Fantasy XIII on March 9th, 2010

To show you how much a geek I am, I was totally waiting for the special Final Fantasy XIII announcement! I cannot wait until March!

I really do love video games. I started out with Super Mario Bros. when I was around 7 or 8 years old. My uncle had the Super Nintendo Entertainment System around that time. I remember that I stayed home from school because I was sick and had nothing to do but play the game. That is when my love of video games started.

You know you are old school when you can remember when you had to blow into the Super Nintendo cartridges to get them to play properly!

Anyhow, I stopped playing video games around 10 or 11. For whatever reason, I totally lost interest.

When I turned 13, I saw a commercial for Final Fantasy X. It was amazing. I had never seen something so fascinating and cool before in my life. Even after seeing commercials for the game, I was still hesitant on buying it. My mom knew me too well. She ended up buying the game for me for my 14th birthday. I loved that game to death. I know some people may have found the love story sappy or the main protagonist annoying, but I enjoyed every aspect of the game.

After my long gaming hiatus, I was thoroughly hooked on Final Fantasy X and many other Final Fantasy games. I went on to buy a few more games, enjoying some more than others, but I became a big fan of RPGs.

Even though I was originally hooked on RPGs, I eventually branched out to other game genres. I currently own Guitar Hero World Tour and I have to say it is pretty fun. I mean who doesn’t love rocking out to that wonderful guitar solo in Michael Jackson’s Beat It.

My love of games has caused to buy quite a few games consoles. I own a PS2, a Nintendo DS, and a PSP. I am currently looking into buying a PS3. I am so glad I waited since instead of paying the original price of $600 for the PS3, I will likely get one for $200.

As soon as March rolls around, I will be buying that PS3 for FFXIII.

Another awesome surprise that came along with the Final Fantasy XIII release announcement is that Leona Lewis, famous for her singles Bleeding Love and Better Time, will be singing the theme song for the game. Well, maybe that isn’t all too accurate. My Hands, a single from her upcoming album will be used as the theme song for the game.

Well, some people are upset about that fact. I think its hilarious that some people are pissed about the fact that she is being used instead of the original Japanese pop star who provided vocals for two songs. If have a feeling that if Leona Lewis was Japanese and sang the exact same song no one would be complaining…

I don’t see what the big deal is. Based purely on sound, I think Leona Lewis sounds a lot better than the original Japanese vocalist used in the original game. I readily admit I don’t know a lick of Japanese, but I listened to the Japanese theme song for the game and I immediately thought BLEH just listening to it. I feel that way with a lot of theme songs used in video games. Just my honest opinion.

The original song created for the game (the Japanese theme)…it seemed out-of-place.

Either way, I am totally pumped about this game!

Here is My Hand from Leona Lewis’ upcoming album Echo due out November 17th, 2009.

Hooray!!!!

I GOT THE JOB OFFER!!!!

That is all.

The Guy That You Wish For…

I came back from the library earlier this evening. I think I caught something since I have been sneezing and have a pretty runny nose. My throat hurts too. I really hope it isn’t swine flu, though I wouldn’t be surprised since I am pretty sure you could catch MRSA at my school’s library.

I am surprised I caught something  since today was such a nice day. I saw couples walking around campus holding hands and all I could do was sigh. I can only imagine how they must feel.

I honestly couldn’t tell you whether I have been in love or not. Not the love you have for a parent or relative of course, but romantic love.

I think the closest I have ever gotten to it was with one guy I had a major crush on during my freshman year. We took a class together. Even though I originally signed up for the class due to its content, I found myself more and more looking forward to the class so that I could see my crush. I would look forward to this class every week just so I could see his face.

Even though he was always really nice to me, I always felt somewhat insignificant when I was around him. He was extroverted, cute, charming, social, and friendly. I was introverted, quiet, somewhat of a loner, and average looking.

He always had people around him. He seemed to be friends with everyone. I never met anyone who didn’t like him.

Even though we were different, I got to know a little bit about him through the few weeks we were in class together. Getting to know him through that class, I started developing feelings for him. There was something about him that captivated me.

Sometimes we would study together and just talk. I really enjoyed those moments.

I always hoped that something would happen between us, but I not sure who I was trying to fool. He was out of my league.

Like all things, the class ended and we went our separate ways. I would see him occasionally and pine after him, but that was about it.

Eventually he ended up dating a girl. I randomly walked into them one day and he introduced her to me. I was friendly as always. It was a quick greeting and then a quick goodbye with both parties heading their separate ways.

I later found out they broke up, though I’m not sure why. Even after all that, I still care about him.

I have always cared about him. Whenever I see him, I always give him a big hug. When I hug him I feel something, I feel different…

The last time I saw him was at the career fair I blogged about earlier. I came up to him, chatted, and we hugged. Seriously, the room melted away, everyone just faded into nothing when I hugged him.

This sounds ridiculous, but that is how I really felt. It sounds dumb, because he has no idea how I feel about him. At the same time, I feel like my feelings aren’t valid since we only took one seminar together.

I would never have the guts to tell him how I feel. What would be the point? I have read He’s Just Not That Into You…and well my crush obviously is not that into me.

Job Decision…Tomorrow

I am ridiculously nervous.

Tomorrow evening I find out whether I have been accepted by the program I applied to.

I have kept the program under wraps, mostly due to horror stories I have heard from company representatives who dish about how they have employees whose sole focus is to scout out their applicants on google, facebook, wordpress, blogger, etc.

Either way, we’ll see what happens tomorrow.

 

 

Parental Expectations

Besides being alone and dying alone, one of my greatest fears is disappointing my mom.

I know that when my mom looks at me, she sees all the opportunities that she was never afforded while growing up. She was born in an extremely poor neighborhood in a very poor country. Nothing was free for her. She had to pay for everything. School, books, transportation-it all cost money.

Honestly, the best anyone from her station in life could look forward to was marrying a rich guy and working to his beck and call while ignoring any flaws in his character (drinking, adultery, gambling, etc).

When my mom obtained the opportunity to come to the United States, she took it and ultimately was able to bring most of her immediate family to the United States in the years following her arrival.

Though she has certainly gone through some rough times on account of my father, overall, she has done well for herself.

I do notice that every so often she gets this far away look in her eye where she wonders what she might have become if she had been born in the United States.

In those instances, I am grateful for all the sacrifices she has gone through so that I could have a better life than she ever had. I know that I want to be successful not only for myself, but for her, as a way to show my gratitude for what she has done for me.

I know that my mom really has only asked for two basic things from me: 1) Be a good human being who is kind, thoughtful, and loving to others (This is my ongoing project since I have my lapses) and 2)Be successful in life.

These aren’t particularly impossible goals to accomplish. I think I am lucky for my lot in life compared to some of my relatives.

I think of some of my cousins who essentially did not have a “true” mother to raise them. The outcomes for each of them varied.

Another cousin of mine ended up devalued in her family. She is the middle child out of three kids in her family. I think what happened to her was not simply a case of middle child syndrome, but I think her parents simply weren’t as interested in her because of her skin color and hair texture. I think her case was a prime example of colorism.

As strange as it may sound, she was the darkest out of the three kids and she had hair that wasn’t “long and flowing” like the other kids. I think she knew that she wasn’t as favored as the other two and consequently she started to act out as she got older.

I couldn’t badmouth her like some of my other relatives did when word got around about her rebellious behavior because I really felt sorry for her.

Situations like these really make me appreciate my mom and the fact that our most recent serious argument has been about whether orange juice causes migraines.

I had a really great song I wanted to post that matched the tone of the post, but I cant find it online. It was a song called Mama by Norwegian Recycling. I’ll just offer a few videos from Norwegian Recycling who does amazing song mash-ups! His website is here. You should really check him out!

Some of my favorites.

Apartments and Roommates: Sometimes I Annoy You, But Sometimes You Annoy Me

Living in an apartment is an interesting venture.

It certainly has its benefits, no lawn to mow, often don’t have to worry about repairs, you may even be lucky enough to have a great view. Of course, there are downsides such as noisy neighbors above and below, a crappy landlord indifferent to repairs and complaints, and possibly living in what some may consider a closet.

Throw in some roommates and you have even more dynamics at work.

I am currently renting out an apartment with a few other people. I have come to realize that living with others is hard work. The work lies in making sure you don’t annoy the hell out of other people while simultaneously making sure you aren’t a doormat for other people as well.

My personal take on roommates is that when you choose to room with other people, you are essentially setting yourself up for a big compromise with a bunch of other people for however many months the lease lasts. I think people can try to live in their own isolated bubble where they think their expenses and lives won’t intersect with their fellow roomies, but I am starting to think that is rare.

I am not saying that personal boundaries can’t exist, but seriously, if you room with someone you will have to compromise at some point. I really believe this since I have had to learn from experience.

By compromise, I don’t merely mean that everyone agrees to split the rent check 50-50, but there are things about people that may annoy you that you let slide, because hey, we all have to choose our battles wisely and some things in the long run truly are trivial to argue about.

Tonight, there was a disagreement in our apartment concerning the thermostat. Roommate #1 sent out an email this morning saying that she had noticed for the past two mornings the thermostat had been set at 70 which apparently was a far cry from her preferred temperature of 66.  Roommate # 1 also said that she did not want to pay for this increase in temperature that she felt was “unecessary”.

Roommate #2 responded to Roommate #1’s email by stating she had turned up the thermostat to 70 because she felt really cold last night. She asked that we all hold a meeting to discuss the issue tonight.

Roommate #3 and myself were somewhat perplexed at the email.

Well, we had the meeting and I backed Roommate #2’s decision. I thought it was cold in our apartment. Honestly, I would have been embarrassed if I invited someone over for fear they might freeze. I really didn’t have a problem pushing the thermostat to 70. Roommate #3 was in the middle and didn’t take a stand on raising the temperature, though she said she felt cold in the apartment.

Roommate #1 still saw it as an unecessary expenditure and essentially wanted to prorate the electric bill for those who wanted to have the thermostat at 70…

I was quiet when she was explaining her reasons for wanting to split up the bill that way.

I wasn’t peeved at the email, but more so at the stinginess on display. Living in an apartment with roommates is a careful battle of give a little, take a little, and concede a little. If you fail to realize this essential theme of apartment living you might become “that” roommate.

Going by Roommate #1’s logic, technically I could prorate my part of the electric bill  since I have been gone from the apartment every weekend. Really, why should I pay  for days that I wasn’t even around?

Wrong, living in an apartment requires one to have boundaries of reasonableness.

Some people may take a little longer in the showers than other, someone may use the stove more often than others, someone may use the blow dryer more often than others, one person may never lend anything to you, one person may constantly borrow your stuff, others may eat your food while others gladly share their food with you.

Many of these behaviors could annoy or irritate someone, but you must choose your battles wisely.

While Roommate #1 pulled out her kilowatt calculator to guess the increased tab Roommate #2 and myself would pay, at least I knew I wasn’t on the path to becoming “that” roommate.

Crushes: Sharpie

OT: I have added two books to my reading list, Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison and 1984 by George Orwell. Technically I was supposed to have read both of these books for a class, but due to my workload at the time I was only able to skim them. I can’t wait to read them and really start to appreciate them without the time constraint!

I have never had a whole lot of crushes in my life. Sure, I admit that there were lots of guys I considered cute or good-looking, but I was solely focusing on physical appearance. When attraction turned into a crush, there was always something more about the person, some aspect that I admired in them that drew me to them.

Sometimes I think my crushes were really a reflection of the way I wish I could be in life. It’s not that I am unhappy or depressed. Sure, I go through the occasional moodswing or my get depressed about some trifle in life, but being on the outside looking in, sometimes the grass does look greener on the other side.

In high school, I only had 2 crushes. This is the story about the first crush.

The first crush was a guy who I will call Sharpie. He was a white guy who was a redhead.

At that time I was friends with this girl at my school and I told her about my crush on Sharpie. I swore her to secrecy that she would not tell anyone, especially Sharpie about my feelings. She promised that she wouldn’t.

The next day she blabbed to Sharpie that I liked him. Even though I was mad at her, I did end up getting Sharpie’s phone number later that day. I also gave him my number.

He called me later that evening, things seemed fine. I think I was more nervous than anything because a boy was actually calling my house to speak to me! I don’t even remember the conversation we had.

Over the next few days Sharpie and I sat together in the one class we shared. We talked and joked, but I noticed some things about him that bothered me. It was more about what he said. I ignored it, because hey, I was head over heels for the guy because he was actually the first boy at that point to pay any attention to me. Looking back, I think this whole situation had less to do with me actually liking the guy and more to do with claiming my first boyfriend.

As time passed, things seemed to be going okay, though I certainly did not seem to gush like I first did when Sharpie first started paying attention to me.

I also found out that Sharpie was a conservative. A mis-informed conservative. I don’t mind people having beliefs that differ from mine, but I have a hard time believing rumors, gossip, and general crap that is characterized as a well informed opinion. Around this time, Sharpie started saying some “interesting” political statements. I can’t even remember specifically what he said, all I know is that with each statement, I started to like him less and less.

The final blow for any chance of a relationship was when Sharpie decided to give commentary about the 2000 US Presidential Election between Bush and Gore. Sharpie said that he couldn’t stand liberals and that he was glad Gore last the elction in 2000 because if he had won he would have made negative changes to the constitution with a sharpie.

Yeah, I was not impressed. At that point, I wondered to myself how I could like a guy who thought in such a manner. From that point onward, I no longer had a crush on Sharpie.

I still sat with him in the class that we shared, but he did not receive any love-dovey eyes from me.